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Chan plays Bob Ho, an undercover top agent for the CIA who wants to hang it up, settle down and be a normal guy.

Bob's in love with a gal named Gillian, who has three kids who do not like him very much. So when they are left in his care for a few days, he feels it is the perfect opportunity for him to turn things around with her youngsters.

Predictably, the children do everything in their power to make Bob's life miserable, giving the filmmaker plenty of opportunities for tired, unfunny slapstick gags.

It's also no surprise that Bob's secret agent life starts to interfere with his home life. The kids get caught up in a Russian espionage plot as Jackie Chan has to fight off the bad guys and protect the children all at once. If it sounds all too familiar, it's because much of the movie steals liberally from "The Pacifier" and "Kindergarten Cop."

The movie was directed by Brian Levant, who was responsible for such other atrocities as "Snow Dogs," "Are We There Yet?" and "Problem Child 2." Levant specializes in this insipid kind of film, which has zero appeal.

There's no chemistry between Chan and his leading lady. Billy Ray Cyrus and George Lopez as Chan's CIA colleagues seem lost. The villains are cartoonish and the entire cast, including the kids, recite inane dialogue.

As far as action scenes go, which is what diehard Jackie Chan fans really want, they are sad to watch. You can tell that Chan has gotten older and can't really do what he could once do. Watching him here is like watching an aging athlete. He tries to be competitive and occasionally shows a glimpse of what once was, but in the end he comes up way short.

Chan's good-natured comedic skills served him well in other movies. But in the hands of director Levant and his inept team of screenwriters, it's a complete disaster to watch on every level.

Neil Rosen's Big Apple Rating: 1/2 Wormy Apple